I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
