Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
