If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
