the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
