i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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