I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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