He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
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I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The air was thick with penises
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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