So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
