Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
