if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
