you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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