Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
