My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
