Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
