I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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