Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
