You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
