highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
