Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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