As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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