whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
