I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Randomize
