if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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