Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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