I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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