Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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