when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
