Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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