so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
