cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
