I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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