I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
