why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I want to be your penis for a week.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I supernannyed him into submission
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
