these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
