We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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