i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
