he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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