I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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