last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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