guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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