Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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