I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
