Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
