someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
