So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even know how to be here
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
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