my mouth tastes like poor choices
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Still dying that you shit outside
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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