He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
