I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
