WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
