Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
