Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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