i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
