Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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