I am spending my child support on dildos
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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