Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
