it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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