Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
