I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
