You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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