Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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