He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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