Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
