I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
