How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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