Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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