i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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