Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
