i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
