Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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