i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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