it glows. i had to have it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
