Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize