he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
